Yes we can !!

Hey guys, this will be the last blog for you....and that is going to make me very sad.It was of course a lot of work but it pays off!!The last chapter was different like the others!Everybody was happy,healthy and good looking(<--- especially my girlfriend!!:D)Besides it was the third "whizz" into the future and this time I did not have any questions.I just enjoyed the situation and it was the first moment in my life where I tought that it will turn out all right!But their was one thing, which mad me SAD!I got to know that I gave up skating.How could I live without my board??However after 2 minutes with Alex I knew it!She was and definitely is so goregeous, lovly and so sexy!Furthermore I knew that there is a lot of work to do,but with my friends( Alicia belongs to them),my family(Mom,Emily AND Dad)and my beautiful girlfriend!:)....we can do it!And guys,you know that I promised myself not to have sex with an other girl..this veto is rescinded(:D).Last but not least THANK YOU TH,without your support I would never be the person who I am!!!Now I try to manage my life without any help,but you will always have a place in my heart ! :)......
Sammy:)

It's the best to be true !

Chapter 19 was like a sum to give you some extra information about my life and my family.Emily was born in the same hospital as Roof.Mom and Mark are still a couple... and you could see how relieved they were after Emily was born.However Mark joked about the age of Emily,because she was only5 minutes old and she's got already a nephew who is older than her.My mom couldn't laugh about Mark's joke and tried not to be angry.After this we talked about our family constellation and I became aware that it's my mother's earning that I get to the person who I am today.This fact made me happy and guys... she did not make a bad job,did she (:P)?I was asked,how it goes with Alicia.Yeah,the realtionship to her was and will always be very difficult!To be honest I slept with her again,but not because I love her!Alicia was just so sexy and the drive was too big!Of course Andrea got wind of this.OK,I must say that we did it in her brother's bed!(:D)Afterwards I've got more problems than before,like every time I had have sex!First Andrea came in and was very angry and secondly I thought that Alicia still loves me (>.<)!Andrea,Alicia and I talked about the event and I was just honest.The first time I told the truth and told Alicia that I didn´t love her,in a way she could absorb it !The last interesting thing I want to explain you is the following.You know,that I gave my life marks out of ten and it was "just" a three.The reason is,that I really manage everything with Roof OK up to good but how can I give marks for my life?I do not have a personal life.Sam Jones is a person who has to care for so many things.There is no place for MY life !And when my son is 16 and I do not know what to do in my free time ,I am sure there is a lot to look after!
Sammy :)


Without words...

It is a long way to be "real" parents...

Hey guys,you all have direct access to the internet and know what you can do their!In my case I looked for information about other couples who are 16 and have a baby...I thought that my life is really messed up,but the things I read there were very sad and horrible!No money,no work the parents chuck them out and say "Live your own life,with your new family"!Another scary fact was that eighty per cent of teenage fathers lose touch with their kids!!OMG,how could that be ??Maybe there are boys, who do not want to admit to their babys... but the rest!?I read an other article about the child custody and in the majority of cases the mothers get the baby!So if I want to stay in touch with Roof,I must be nice to Alicia(??).You see I am worried about this issue... and because of that I went to Alicia to talk with her about Roof.(In the last 2 month their was anyway no other thing to talk about)The mother of my son was very agressiv and bearish and I felt that this conversation would not have a good ending for me (:D)!!After Alicia came out of the bathroom ,she imputed me sleeping with an other girl.Besides she shouted at me that I could forget Roof and will automatically lose touch with my son. I did not give her any hint to think about such a shit and now I will lose Roof because of my crazy ex-girlfriend?!Why should I do this?(I promised myself that I would not sleep with someone else in the next time)However, Andrea came up,because Alicia screamed like a pig at the shambles(:D)and tried to hush her.20minutes later Alicia,Andrea and I sat in the kitchen...but I always thought about 2 things: Firstof all that I maybe will lose my son and secondly what a strange and scary girlfriend I have got.There were times I fancied her and I knew that the pregnancy really changed her but such a beast is definitely scary!These moments also showed me that it was the best to go home and keep distance from her!Back to the main point..Andrea explained us that being parents is more than change the nappys or feeding!"When Roof gets older their will be many moments where you want to run away or die or disappear....but you have to stay present for your child and give good advices....You both cannot give your child worldly wisdoms because you have no time for "Learn to live" and "Live to learn"!!!However you have Robert and me and of course Sam's mom and so it will work my dears",said Andrea!!You know that I don't really like Andrea but this convesation helped me to understand how "real" parents should be !!
Sammy :)

Dad,thank you for your support

I was very suprised when my dad asked me to go out.First I thought he just wanted to show me that you could get alcohol easier with a little child in a pram than without...but their was more.Before dad arrived I talked to TH and he told me sth. about his dead dad.In the pub,my dad and I started the conversation and I felt that he wanted to put something across to me.My dad reported about the time where I was this little teenager-baby.Thereafter he explained that they were in the end just brothers and sisters and were only focused on me.(If you read my last blog,you could see some similarities to dad's information).Afterwards he slowly got to the point, that I have no chance to live together with Alicia no matter who I am or with whom I have got a relationship.Furthermore I should not let me "kill" from my own baby!!At the beginning I did not get what he wanted to say to me and it really pissed me off.However,after a while I got it!!That was incredible, but my dad worried about me and hoped that my life would be better than his one.That made me feel better because I did not know this behaviour!!After I went home ,Alicia and I argued about little things like every day.Throughout the conversation with my dad ,he removed the scales from my eyes and helped me to have an objectiv view of my realationship with Alicia.This was an other reason why I left her room.Alicia thought that I went to my mom, because I had a cold and in my opinion it was the best not to change anything!Back home I missed Roof,just Roof!Besides I was really pissed off,because I did not have time for skating the last few weeks.That fact also showed me that I could only live for Roof or for Skating...and in this periode of my life Roof was all the world for me!!
See you soon
Sammy:)

Ps: This is a picture of my father with the pram! :)

Being a father...No Problem !

Chapter 16 starts exactly like the "whizz" into the future(p.86),but it was different and I liked this "new" version of the future!Really,that gave me new courage and showed me that my way could not be the worst!I knew that it would not be easy but could you say me one thing in my life, after I slept with Alicia ,which was easy(!??)Meanwhile I cope with Roof very well.By and by I learned what it meant to be a good father.That was the most positive aspect, but because of this little baby Alicia and I only were focused on him.We just talked with each other if something happened with Roof.Till this moment I could abide the situation, but the day I went to college messed everything up.What would you do if anybody argues that your son/daughter is not your own one.In my case this situation became real, but there were other facts bothering me. For example that I always hoped that Alicia wasn't pregnant and/or that this child would not be my one....This situation was not easy for me especially to accept that my life would mix up..and than a guy from my college came to me and explaned, that Roof was his son!Their was no other possibility to beat him up.After this,the common feelings came back and a part of me hoped again, that Roof was not my son.I faced Alicia with my thoughts(Afterwards it was definitely wrong),and she started crying like she always did if we had problems!That was horrible for me, because you could not discuss with her when she cryed.Maybe that was the aim of "crying" but it nerves!!Besides we talked about our perspectives in life.Alicia always wanted this "perfect family",with no problems.Just unrealistic stuff.Furthermore I regreted that I supported her thought about being a model!(that was years ago :D) We tried to eliminate our conflict and after many houres,too many houres,we were in peace again.
Tomorrow I will tell you something about my meeting with Dad and my way back home!
Sammy:)

Ps:That's a photo of my fight...it looks like a woman-bottom but it is mine... :D:D trust me

Why can't you say Daddy...?

I knew that Roof would not be perfect,like talking,running but I hoped I could do more things with this little baby!There is nothing I can undertake with him...for football he is too young, he can not go..so I do not get a real connection to Roof,that is definitely sad but true!Besides everybody wants that I plan for the future but I think let the future just happen,we will all see how it goes.However at the day I moved into Alicia's room it was ineluctable that she will get to know all my little "secrets" for example TH(obviously my biggest secret :D)And...yeah I am homesick,that is not normal for a 16 years old teenager but I am not content with this momentary situation!
Sammy :)